Last Thursday I did a talk as part of the lunch & learn initiative at
EPAM, on topic I’ve been curious about for years: “Empower your decisions”. In 21st century we have so many opportunities, so many options and so many decisions we are eager to make, often just to feel frustrated later when we couldn’t put the necessary effort into them to get any of the benefits. Healthy living, working out regularly, new business or hobby, great relationship, or even getting rid of bad habits like smoking – all of those are important decisions, and if empowered would significantly improve our lives.
Preparing for the talk I did a lot of research but mainly relied on my experience as a coach and mentor to provide the audience with successful strategy, hints, tips, and most important: way of thinking and attitude.
1. On 11.02.1990 James ‘Buster’ Douglas defeated the ‘Iron’ Mike Tyson, the fight became the biggest upset in boxing history. When asked how he managed, Buster Douglas started crying and told the story of the last 6 months. His mother got sick and entered a hospital. She was worried about the upcoming fight, and Douglas promised her he is going to defeat Mike Tyson. And about 20 days before the fight his mother passed away. Douglas was ruined and what left for him was only to fulfill a promise to a dying parent.
The lesson we learn from the story is: behind every decision there is a ‘Why?’, and if you don’t know what your ‘why’ is or if your ‘why’ is not strong enough, your decision will just become a failure. Just like Buster Douglas, who managed to defeat ‘the monster’, only to lose miserably 8 months later when he was demolished by Holyfield and defeated in just 3 rounds. Douglas simply did not have his ‘why’ anymore.
2. Interesting statistics were proven in the USA, concerning patients with cardiological problems. Many of them already undergo expensive and dangerous procedures. In a last attempt to save the patients the doctors tell them they exhausted the medical options and if they don’t change their diet and lifestyle drastically they are going to die. Surprisingly, only one out of ten patients managed to change their lifestyle (long-term), even in the face of death. The habits our brains developed fort years are proven to be very difficult to destroy and replaced with new once.
The strongest possible weapon is to strengthen our curiosity to support us on getting out of our comfort zones more regularly. Remember, when we were little children our curiosity drove the day, not our habits. Get curious about something new and do something new to train yourself to get out of comfort zones regularly, this will make your brain less resilient on making difficult decisions and turning them into reality.
3. ‘No decision is still a decision’
Looking at donorship consent survey from 2003 across EU countries a loop in human beings’ decision making is clearly visible. In a situation where the decision is complex we tend to stick to the default decision and make ‘no decision’. The countries with 90%+ consent have a survey checkbox ‘check here if you would like to opt-out’ and countries with about 10% consent have the survey checkbox ‘check if you would like to opt-in’. In both cases people tend not to check the box as the decision is far too complex, and they just go with the default option. But ‘no decision is still a decision’, and it’s a clear example how we let others decide our fate.
4. ‘A diet dies in the supermarket, it doesn’t die in the kitchen’
Temptations and distractions are all around us. The marshmallow test, with little kids attempting to predict who will be more successful in life, clearly shows that our willpower is no match for our instincts. The lesson learned is to stay literally far away from distractions and temptations, contradicting with our decision. If you want to quit smoking – don’t get nearby stores selling tobacco, or colleagues who would take you for a smoke. If you decide to work on your new business idea turn off your phone, to avoid risking distraction by your friends.
5. Perfectionism is the death of decision making
We all live in a society where mastery and perfection are craved and desired. In school we compete for better grades, as well as in the university, then in our work environment we are trained to be as perfect and efficient as possible. And when we want to make an important decision we usually start by researching, then communicating with friends and relatives, planning… and postpone the action. In fact, preplanning the whole journey would most certainly scare our brain off and it will find a way to discourage us from even trying.
‘How did you manage to outrun/outswim the others?’ they asked the top athletes and the answer was simple ‘I never allowed my brain to see the whole distance – it will just scare and paralyze me, I only allowed it to see the next minute, the next couple of meters, the next step.’ The lesson learned is ‘Think only one step ahead.’
6. Why do we procrastinate?
Let’s admit it: we all procrastinate. It seems to be a response in our ‘psychological immune system’. Our brain is permanently stressed and when we are to introduce more stress (by let’s say deciding to work out regularly) it refuses, by gently delaying the execution of the decision… if possible forever.
The cure for procrastination is to get started: ‘Act small – act now’. Trick your brain by promising yourself only 5 min. work out, working on your new business or doing whatever you decided. Then try to enjoy the process, most of the people go beyond the 5 min. as it is easier for the mind to keep up the state it is already in, than change it. Nevertheless, be honest to yourself and make sure you do not burn out. Stop if you start feeling tired or disengaged and need your willpower to push you over. Then continue on the next day (just for 5 min. again). You are building a long-term habit that way.
7. Use your body
Human beings, we are much more physiological creatures than psychological. Usually in a process of decision-making we sit in front of our computers in the worst possible posture. Sitting for hours has many negative impacts and is deadly to decision making. Instead take a 10-min. walk outside, breathe some fresh air, put your hands in the air, jump a little bit, do some stretching. You will immediately feel empowered and capable of acting and achieving. You will feel energized and ready to conquer, build and create. Use your body always when you want to empower yourself.
Those are the top 7 lessons to help you empower your decisions and turn them into reality. Would be great if you share what do you think and if you have more to add in the comments below.
